good news, bad timing?

I went to the doctors on Jan 26., because something just wasn’t right with this body of mine. She took some blood and it came back that I was like 5 weeks pregnant. I was excited, but nervous at the same time. It is an amazing feeling to know that Mike and I created this little thing, but at the same time with the economy and everything, it is a little scary to know we are going to be bringing another little person into this world.

Yesterday I had my first real appointment with the doctor. I was so nervous about it as I didn’t know what was going to happen and what was going to happen. Well I spoke with the doctor, got bloodwork done, and had my first ultrasound and see a photo of the baby. I also heart the heartbeat, 180 a minute, YAY!!!! Honestly as soon as I seen the picture of this little thing, my heart just melted and it was over from there.

When I showed Mike, he seemed happy, but I am not sure. I think he is still really worried, which he has every right to be, but I just wish he would see the photo and show a little more happiness. Oh well, I understand, and am just going to enjoy this process and make the best of everything I can.

I love my family, my cats, my hubby and this little thing inside that is going to be here before we know it.

Life

Where to start and where to end. Life is this weird thing that always is there, and at times you wish wasn’t because it gets too hard and becomes too much. Life is full of ups, and downs. Full of what ifs and whos not. Life is making mistakes, and jumping on for the ride. Life is truly what you make it, and sometimes what you make it is a living hell. Life is this magical thing, and one day, you wake up and realize your life has been wasted, and you have to start anew to get it back and make it the best.

I know I woke up the other morning and thought, what the hell have I done. I knew what the consequences would be that morning, and I got everything I deserved and more. I made a mistake, and I can’t take it back. I wish I could, but I can’t. Yes those old memories do make me smile and make me laugh. I had some good times in the past, and I also had some really horrible ones. My past is filled with heartache and pain, and that is not what I want to bring into my future, into yours, or into our childs. I want to be the happy you love and know. Yes I am going to have moments where I am sad, or down, but for so long now I haven’t been depressed because I have you in my life. I have been so happy, and so lucky to have you, and it’s such an amazing feeling to know that no matter what happens, or what I go thought, that I always have someone who will support me and tell me the truth, and I thank you for that.

I love you, I love you so much. You are my rock, you are my everything. I know we have had fights, and we are always going to. That is part of life, that is part of growing up, and it is a big part of relationships. Anyone who says the are married and they don’t fight, they are just lying to you and themselves. I am sorry for the mistake I made. I didn’t see that past moment, that past drawing in the little picture. The girl sitting alone half hearted. I seen it as the big picture. I seen it as the girl who can be independent, the girl who aims for the moon because even if she failed, she would be among the stars. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry it was mistaken. I just seen it as a symbol of who I used to be, and it bought back some memories, some good, and some bad, but mostly it made me see the girl in the photo for the amazing person she was, and still is deep down inside.

“…I never promised you a ray of light, I never promised there’d be sunshine everyday, I give you everything I have, the good, the bad… I always said that I would make mistakes, I’m only human, and that’s my saving grace, I fall as hard as I try, so don’t be blinded, see me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin, so pull me from that pedestal, because I don’t belong up there…”

Marriage

One of my newly engaged friends asked me why I enjoyed being married and my answer was simple, very simple. I said in one word, support. Yes, I said it, my reason for loving being married is support. I love knowing that no matter what my choice is that my husband will support me, and help me achieve whatever I want.
I know for me that getting married was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I am truly still in love with him. Some benefits of being married is that you live longer. You always have someone to talk to, and to listen to you. You get sex. Well, initially. This decreases over time, which is to be expected with any relationship, not just a marriage. You get more back in taxes, which is always a nice benefit in April.
I guess to everyone a marriage is a different thing, but to me it’s a long life commitment to each other that you vow to always be there for each other, no matter how bad the situation can become. Because if you can make it up from rock bottom with that person beside you, then you can make it to hell and back … so good luck :p

Friendship? What are you?

I guess to everyone a friendship is a different thing, but to me, I know exactly what it means. Friendship is a very deep and amazing connection. It is this in-depth connection (relationship) that combines trust, support, communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy and intimacy. It is a lot like a marriage.

Someone once explained a friendship as the feeling you have from returning from your grandmothers house after the weekend is over. You finally get back to your own house, and you feel, hey this is home, this is relaxing, this is right, and that is what a friendship should be. It should be your comfort, and it should be a good part of your life, and make you amazing. You go out into the world, you do your best, and you have you ups and downs. You have problems, you have triumphs, fun and tribulations, and after everything you come (home) to that friend, that one that you can share everything with, and doesn’t question anything.

But no one can form a friendship with another person until they are friends with themselves. Also no one can be a friend to someone else, until they know what that other person needs from them. It’s like that old poem, everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some stay for a few minutes, others for a few days, and some forever, and they are always there for a reason, and sometimes we don’t know that reason, but we are so thankful they are there for as long as they are there for.

So thank you to all my friends, to all those amazing people who inspired me, and who made me who I am. I love you all, and you all are awesome, and I couldn’t or wouldn’t be who i am without you. I love you all.

What is today really?

Well today is just another Friday in the early, to be exact, it’s the first one of August, and it’s also the 219th day of the year unless it’s a leap year. Day is also another magical day, it’s my birthday. Yes Yes, I am getting old.

So really, what is a birthday? When you are young, it’s all about what your parents do for you. The party, the presents, and having your friends come over and celebrate with you. When you get into your teens, its all about not wanting your parents to help you, and just kind of hanging out with friends. When your in your twenties, it’s all about you, what you finally want to do. And when you hit over 30, it because all about the family and what they want to do for you.

Really to me my birthday is about celebrating my life, and the things I have done, and the things that are yet to come. I want to look back and be happy and remember that each day, no matter birthday or holiday, is truly a celebration of yourself. And personally I have started to love myself more now than I have ever. So yay me and my birth *all those years ago*

So some interesting facts about August 7th are:

That in1782 George Washington orders the creating of the Badge of Military Merit to honor soldiers wounded in battle. It is now known as the poetic purple heart.

In 1927 the Peace Bridge opens between Fort Erie, Ontario, and Buffalo.

In 1959 the Lincoln Memorial design on the United States penny goes into circulation. It replaced the “sheaves of wheat” design and is still in use today.

In 2007 Barry Bonds broke the baseballs great Hank Aaron’s record by hitting his 756th home run.

And amazingly Charlize Theron was born on August 7th of 1975. So Happy Birthday to you Charlize, and everyone else born, or being born today. It’s a good day to be born.

Ellie-Phants

Anyways … todays topic is “Elephants, or why they are being killed just for their tusks”. I asked my hubby to give me a topic, and that is what he choose, so here I am to write about it. EnjoY!

All I know about elephants, are that they are this HUGE animal at Zoo’s and in the African safari area. They seem to be gentle giants. I know their tusks are ivory, so I can see why they could be worth some money. So I did some research, and this is what I came up with.

Both African and Asian elephants are under threat from poachers who kill them for their ivory tusks.

Although early poachers would only kill one or two elephants at a time this would still have had a big impact on the population, mainly because the poachers would kill the older male elephants for their larger tusks. Killing older elephants means that immature elephants are left to grow up without any parents to help them (young orphans may even die). Killing mostly male elephants means that there is a dangerous imbalance between the ratio of male to female elephants. Things are much worse now as modern poachers are more organized and have better weapons so that they can – and do – kill whole families at a time.

Personally I think it’s stupid to kill these animals just to get their tusks. After the poachers get the tusks, they basically just leave the animal to die. Is an ivory tusk really worth that much to someone? It’s like killing a person just because you want their shoes. Could you imagine what the world would be like if we would just go around killing people and things because we wanted an object of theirs? I doubt I would be writing this if that is they way life was, so why are we letting it happen to them?

Now I am going to leave you with some interesting facts about these awesome creatures.

The elephant is the world’s largest land animal.

The elephant can use its nose (trunk) as an extra limb for eating, lifting things and squirting itself with water.

An elephant’s trunk is double-pointed, helping it do delicate jobs like picking berries.

An elephant uses its ears to keep cool; each ear carries many fine blood vessels close to the surface which help disperse heat, especially when they are flapped.

An elephant also uses its ears to express emotion, for example anger.

African elephants have larger ears than Asian elephants.

The patterns on an elephant’s ear are unique – just like our fingerprints.

Elephant feet have soft cushioned soles which help them move around quietly.

…. zzzzz……

I am so exhausted right now. I didn’t even do much today, and I feel like it should be 11pm, and my butt should be in bed.

I had lunch with the lunch ladies today, and then went and gave blood for a girl whose mom works in the lunchroom. I was fine during the whole process. I have my blood, the lady laughed and said I had amazing veins, and was all good. I got outside and was standing under a covering talking to some people, and all of a sudden it hit me. I feel really dizzy and knew that wasn’t a good thing.

I went and sat down in one of the chairs, and just grabbed my moms hand and said “I am going to pass out”. Next thing I know I have bags of ice on my necks, on my chest, and some lady is yelling at me to keep my eyes open and to talk to her. I am like hey lady, I am just worried about breathing. I know I kept telling her, just help me, I don’t like this feeling, just help me. I think she was laughing at me. I know I would have been.

So once they got me half way awake again, they made me go sit into the blood bus again with bags of ice on my legs, and on my neck, and I had to drink two bottles of water while my feet were above my head. Do you know how hard that is to do normally, let alone when your still feeling like crap and can barley hold the bottle?

Anyways, after about 10 minutes or so, I felt good again and they sat me up normally. I was on my second bottle of water when my mom comes back on the bus and tells me another lady (a lunch lady she is good friends with) has passed out too, except she was worse than me. So I was just sitting there breathing and trying to get better, because it sucks knowing that your sitting in a viable seat that could be used for giving blood to this sick little girl.

So as I am sitting there, I look over and see a very familar face. I asked the nurse her name, and come to find out, it’s my ex-boyfriends sister. How weird is that. Oh well, she was an incredible nurse, and very understanding. Well due to my passing out, and the other lady, they were making blood donors sit in the air conditioned bus and drink something and eat something before they would let them get off the bus.

Anyways, my question for you is … has this even happened to you? Could there be another reason besides the heat I passed out? The lady took my blood pressure again, and iron, and I was fine. The only other thing she said was I could be within the first 6 weeks of pregnancy, and that I just threw off my blood balance, and resulted in me passing out. Who knows why it happened, but it did, and I will still continue to give blood.

Money Tree??

So yesterday my hubby had to go to the dentist because he has been having severe tooth pain and he finally couldn’t take it anymore. So we went to the dentist, and learned that he needs two more root canals, and a tooth extraction … oh YAY!!!

When we were driving home, he made a comment to me, that kind of made me laugh, and kind of made me want to cry. He said ever so sweetly, how can we afford a baby, when I can’t even afford to take care of my teeth. It made me laugh because it’s just life, and sometimes you have bad teeth and need to get them fixed. It made me want to cry because he does have a point. We are still newbies when it comes to life. We have been together for 5 years, been married for year and a half, and homeowners for just a few months. We know what our limits are every month for our bills and such, but it still seems like every month we have more and more expenses. I guess that is part of being an adult and homeowner.

I know that we will be able to afford a kid, and everything will be fine. But trust me, there are still times when I am scares shitless. The kids we have are going to be so loved, and so awesome, but kids need more than just love, and I guess in time, we will be able to give them that. I guess we will just have to see where life takes us.

A baby here, a baby there, there be babies everywhere

So my hubby and I have been talking about babies. A lot of our friends are getting married, and having babies, and so we have been discussing our own idea of when we would like this to happen.

Personally I think the sooner the better, but he thinks we should wait another year or so. I mean if I get knocked up tomorrow, the baby doesn’t come out for 9 months, so it isn’t like we won’t have any us time from now til then. Plus he likes to read the internet a lot, and all he ever reads are the horror stories about babies, and what they can do to a relationship.

Well since my brother and his fiancee are getting married in October, I am thinking we should start trying now since I am the Matron of Honor, and do not want to be 8 months along in the wedding. I always think being that big in a wedding looks goofy, and I am not one to drop out of the wedding because I was pregnant. So we actually really talked about it, and we start now, I could have the baby, and still have 6 months to get my ass in shape to be in their wedding. So see ya later, got to go look sexy for the hubby :p

Way Over Due

Hey Bitches :p

Okay, so I haven’t updated in a LONG while, and that is because either I have been lazy, or I had forgotten my password. Well I just reset my password, and I plan on updating more now that I might actually remember it.

So last night my brother asked his girlfriend to marry him. woot. They had been speaking about it for some time now, and it is just really nice to see it being real now. They are thinking about an October of 2010 wedding, which works out for everyone, I guess. It gives them time to save up, and it gives everyone time to trim down. I know I need to do this, especially since I was asked to be in their wedding.

I am really happy and excited for them. My biggest fear is looking like a house at their wedding. All the other bridesmaids are sticks, where I am a curvy girl. Oh well, to each their own I guess. I will be the boobs of the operation :p