oh the feelings

You asked me how I felt, so here goes it:

I feel happy because:
I have an amazing hubby
I have an amazing family
the few good friends I have are beyond wonderful
I finally feel I am contributing to *our* money
I started working out again
I found some bras under 30 bucks I like and hold me in
my nails are actually growing
I haven’t cut my hair yet
I found a $.99 dress and it fit

I feel sad because:
I hate fighting
I hate crying myself to sleep
I feel like I could do better
I sometimes hate that my hubby talks to someone
I haven’t lost much weight
I want to go back to school
I am not working
I sometimes hate that I lost some of my friends from HS
I have so much inside of me that needs to be released
I don’t like being lied to
I hate that I am not speaking to someone who I need to talk to
I don’t like having people hide things from me
I don’t like being hated
I hate people who blow things out of proportion.
I don’t like being ignored
I hate my hubby signs off at work so we cant talk
I feel like sometimes hubby doesn’t understand me
I am not my hubby’s best friend
I sometimes don’t trust people
I sometimes OVER trust people and get hurt
I am not sure when we will have a house and it’s stressful
I want to have kids before I am old, but I am not sure if it will happen

I feel confused because:
Life is confusing
I don’t know if the issue I am having is just something that needs to be talked about more, or if a professional needs to step in.
my name is Alicia, and yeah

I feel lonely because:
My hubby is my best friend, and the only one I really talk to about anything, and when him and I aren’t talking, I have to keep everything inside and he has people he can talk to about things (even if sometimes they do discuss things they shouldn’t, or it’s people I would prefer he didn’t talk to, he still has people)\

Here is a little poem (I found on the internet):
What do you do when your feelings are mixed up inside you
You try to be happy but inside your always blue
At times you’d like to cry but theres people all about
So you hold it back and try not to pout
You try not to think of the bad times you had
And try to be happy but inside your always sad
You know exactly what you really want to say
But you can never get it out to this very day
It runs about in your head both day and night
And it doesn’t go away no matter how hard you fight
People ask “How are you” you say “good” what a lie
If they only knew you would really rather cry
No matter what you do it is always on your mind
And all the people around you are so happy and kind
You try everything but nothing seems to work
All that pain because of one little hurt
No one understands what your going thru now
You want to live a happy life but you don’t know how.

point proven

haha, so I got some awesome advice from an old friend saying how I should sent the blog post I wrote last night to the person it’s about. After talking to my hubby about him and begging him not to do it, I decided on my own to do it. She just sent him a message saying “she was touched I sent it, but she would care less” which basically proves my point that she isn’t who she trys to act like she is.
If she was a grown up, she would solve this in a nice civil manner, but instead she just ignores it, and brings another people in it that don’t need to be.
She has sent me a nasty e-mail back simply saying how she is so perfect and did nothing wrong. It must be really nice to blame others and never realize that you have done wrong as well. I never said it was all her fault (because I know it wasn’t), but you would think the girl would learn her lesson after almost ruining my marriage once, that when he talks to you about personal things, ignore him or say you don’t want to discuss it. I guess some people never learn their mistakes, as they don’t think they are making them. Oh well.
Well I know now that I am the bigger and better person, and I am over it. Now I know that my hubby will probably be upset because he wishes we would work this out, but I am done trying. She is a bitch, and she obviously doesn’t want to try to work it out. Sucks to be her because she doesn’t know what she is missing out on, and what she may be losing soon.

I hope everyone had an awesome Jan. 09 and that this year only gets better with time. Take care and stay warm.

I can’t, I just can’t

My title is “I can’t, I just can’t” and the reason is … I can’t, I just can’t let this go. I mean I understand people may not like me, and I am perfectly fine with that. But to have someone completely hate me, to have someone talk bad about me to the people in my life who I love the most, to have someone believe things about me that aren’t true, to have someone make assumptions about me, and try to make other people believe these made up things about me …well I can’t, I just can’t take that. I won’t allow it, nope, sorry!
I am a very strong, independent, bubbley, sweet girl and I do not and will not EVER put up with anyone’s shit, especially a girl who knows nothing about me, but maybe one side of a story (who when the person speaks of me, we are normally fighting), so she is getting a pissed off, may not be fully true side of the story. This girl has no right to judge me, but yet she does. Then after she judges me, she assumes other things about me, and then she thinks of me as a bad person. Me a bad person, are you freaking kidding me. I am probably one of the most generous sincere people you will meet.

I asked several of my friends, some from my young years, some from only sports, others who have known me forever this question: Was I a kind/ generous girl? … and here are some of their answers.

Tammy – VERY, YOU WOULD GIVE SOMEONE THE SHIRT OFF YOU BACK IF THEY NEEDED IT!
Jo- Always, your one of the most *special* people around.
Matt – you’d give anything you have to anyone who needed it more than you which would make you extremely generous in my book
Chris- you’d listen until i talked myself to sleep and you’d still be listening (which is so kind)

ugh, anyways, I am just a little upset. I just wish this girl would talk to me, and try to work out the issue. I wish she would be the big 23 yr old she is, instead of acting like a stupid 12 yr old and talking to everyone else and not me. How is the problem ever going to be solved if you don’t take it up with the person your having the issue with?
I am not saying I want to be best friends with her, but I would atleast like to try and get the problem solved enough to where in time we could try and see how a friendship would work. How does she expect to ever see her friend (my hubby) if he won’t even try and be civil with me? DUHHHHH

Why Can’t We Be Fri-en-emies?

Fri-en-emies (you know, friends who are enemies).
Oh this glorious new thing. I honestly can say I HATE that term. Either you are friends, or your not. I don’t truly think of people having enemies, but to each their own.

I know in my life I have some people that i try so hard to be friends with, but it just doesn’t happen. I try, and try, and try, and it only gets me more and more and more away from their friendship.

Well honestly, I just don’t know what to do anymore, I serious DO NOT KNOW. Do I keep on trying, or do I just give up and give in? What would you do?

When life gives you limes … drink some tequila :p

I apologize for not writing yesterday. It has been busy around here, and I just didn’t get time to sit down and write something.

Well today I had to run to Wal-Mart to get some fruit for the house, but mainly to get hubby’s medicine. We went to the doctor’s yesterday and his blood pressure is still higher than she would like it, so she increased his dosage. I am happy that he is finally getting healthly and we can be happy and healthly together. This little deaf man told me I was cute today, it made me smile from ear to ear (and I still am). Well I got everything we needed and as I was walking out and I seen *him*, yes him, the last person I would ever want to see walking in. I quickly turned my head and kept talking on my cell. I honestly don’t think he saw me, but it’s weird. I honestly have hate for that kid, and I don’t like to hate people. Oh well.

I hope everyone is having a good day. I am going to go for a little run!