misunderstood?!?

Sometimes I feel like I am truly misunderstood, or that the people who I need to listen to me, just don’t get it, or don’t want to (maybe).

I ask a very very simple question, and I get back the most rude/ aggressive tone, and get accused of something, when it was just a simple question. How is that fair?

All I wanted to know (which I ask every week) is if you spoke to someone. It isn’t because I don’t trust you, or because I don’t believe you, it is merely a very simple question. I know it is hard to just not talk to people, and trust me, I so understand that.

There is no reason to get upset with me, or accuse me of anything. I am sorry that I upset you, but this isn’t fair.

Happy Uno

Today is one year that my hubby and I have been married, and honestly I couldn’t be happier.

I love you babe!!

This is so hard. To hear the one person who you love more than life, the one person you would take a bullet for, that you wish the bad things would happen to you so they wouldn’t have to deal with any pain or hurt say horrible things. It hurts so bad.

For the last month or so, I have been so happy. So content, and it has been so wonderful. For the last month I have no had any doubts and I have truly fallen harder for my man. I truly love him with everything I have, and I know the days I am feeling bad about myself, that his love is the reason I pull through and am so happy. He is the reason I want to live, and want to get a house, and do all these amazing things. He is my world.

I know all people, all couples, everyone has problems, but this isn’t fair. The issues we have always seem to hurt me and it sucks. I am sorry that I was getting you fruit this morning. I didn’t know that would upset you.

I just wish you could understand what I am feeling. I need you to be here with me. I understand that your frustrated, but there is no reason to be take everything out of me, when most of it isn’t my fault. I want you to be happy, and be healthy and be here when we are 80. I don’t want you to ever leave me babe.

What is so hard to understand. You are the only one for me. You are the only one I want to be with you. Your the only one I want to share EVERYTHING with. Your the only one for me babe.

I love you!

oh the feelings

You asked me how I felt, so here goes it:

I feel happy because:
I have an amazing hubby
I have an amazing family
the few good friends I have are beyond wonderful
I finally feel I am contributing to *our* money
I started working out again
I found some bras under 30 bucks I like and hold me in
my nails are actually growing
I haven’t cut my hair yet
I found a $.99 dress and it fit

I feel sad because:
I hate fighting
I hate crying myself to sleep
I feel like I could do better
I sometimes hate that my hubby talks to someone
I haven’t lost much weight
I want to go back to school
I am not working
I sometimes hate that I lost some of my friends from HS
I have so much inside of me that needs to be released
I don’t like being lied to
I hate that I am not speaking to someone who I need to talk to
I don’t like having people hide things from me
I don’t like being hated
I hate people who blow things out of proportion.
I don’t like being ignored
I hate my hubby signs off at work so we cant talk
I feel like sometimes hubby doesn’t understand me
I am not my hubby’s best friend
I sometimes don’t trust people
I sometimes OVER trust people and get hurt
I am not sure when we will have a house and it’s stressful
I want to have kids before I am old, but I am not sure if it will happen

I feel confused because:
Life is confusing
I don’t know if the issue I am having is just something that needs to be talked about more, or if a professional needs to step in.
my name is Alicia, and yeah

I feel lonely because:
My hubby is my best friend, and the only one I really talk to about anything, and when him and I aren’t talking, I have to keep everything inside and he has people he can talk to about things (even if sometimes they do discuss things they shouldn’t, or it’s people I would prefer he didn’t talk to, he still has people)\

Here is a little poem (I found on the internet):
What do you do when your feelings are mixed up inside you
You try to be happy but inside your always blue
At times you’d like to cry but theres people all about
So you hold it back and try not to pout
You try not to think of the bad times you had
And try to be happy but inside your always sad
You know exactly what you really want to say
But you can never get it out to this very day
It runs about in your head both day and night
And it doesn’t go away no matter how hard you fight
People ask “How are you” you say “good” what a lie
If they only knew you would really rather cry
No matter what you do it is always on your mind
And all the people around you are so happy and kind
You try everything but nothing seems to work
All that pain because of one little hurt
No one understands what your going thru now
You want to live a happy life but you don’t know how.